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Ariana
Posts: 1
Topic starter
(@oriana)
Trusted Member
Joined: 1 year ago

The bell rang - it was the end of the school day. As any other day I went back home walking, but today I really wanted to get home, I've been waiting for this moment all the day.

Today has taking place the Wimbledon's final, a famous and ancient tennis tournament in which all the players need to wear white clothes to participate and they play on grass. This year the final was between Diokovic and the new promise of Spanish tennis, Alcaraz.

No one could ever think what it finished as a victory for Carlitos, a new door open to him to grow up in tennis world.

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Luke
Posts: 4
 Luke
Admin
(@llt)
Tutor
Joined: 2 years ago

(Reposted March 2024 after deletion)

Hi Oriana!!

Thanks for your submission after our chat.

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General Suggestions:

- Consider continuity: You really wanted to get home, so what did you do that was different from 'any other day'? This is not revealed in the text.

- Decide on your time reference and keep to it: You mix present and past tenses in a way that feels confusing, and it's not clear when you're narrating; before, during or after the tennis match.

- Bring your concluding paragraph back to the start: Here would be the perfect place to tell the reader how you rushed home, full of excitement at the idea that Carlitos might win.

Language:

-As on any other day

- I walked home (sounds more natural)

-and I'd been waiting (perfect tense as we're in the past already)

- all day

- Today was the Wimbledon final

- think that it would finish (we're imagining)

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I hope that helps, and look forward to our next chat. If you could you do a rewrite before, following my suggestions, that would be great.

Thanks again, and all the best,

Luke

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my name is mona, and you guys?

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