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My Family  

 
Christian
(@christian10)
Registered

Hi, my name is Christian, and I'm going to talk about my family. I have a brother who is 21 years old. My parents are young and they met at the Pamplona fair during San Fermin.

My mother is blonde and very smart. She loves shopping. She also likes spending time with family. In his spare time she designs clothes and accesories.

My father is passionate about football and going to the beach. His favorite team is FC Barcelona and his idol is Messi.

My brother is very quiet and does not study. He also likes to play football. In his spare time he likes to play padel and party with friends.

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Posted : 05/10/2020 1:35 pm
Luke liked
Luke
 Luke
(@lukelanguagetraining-com)

Hi Christian!!

Thanks for sharing your writing with us!

I've never been to Pamplona, but the San Fermin fair looks fun! Good to see your dad is a Barça fan - my favourite team too!

 

I like your general control of prepositions, 'talk about', 'met at', spend time with'...

Here are a few things to consider with this piece of writing:

 

  • Is this a spoken presentation or for reading? The first sentence is like a spoken introduction '...I'm going to talk about...'. If it's for reading, maybe you could use '...I'd like to tell you about...' instead.

 

  • An alternative to talking about each person in your family individually could be to write each pararaph about a subject, for example, how your parents met & your childhood, work & study, your family's hobbies, other members of the family (aunts, uncles, grandparents etc.).

 

  • Words like 'favorite', 'color', and 'flavor' are good in American English, but become 'favourite, 'colour' and 'flavour' in British English.

 

  • Check your spelling of 'accesories'.

 

  • 'his' is for men, and 'h**' is for women. Can you find this little mistake and correct it?

 

Please feel free to send a revised version of your writing here, and thanks again Christian for sharing with us here at llt!!

Cheers!! 

Luke😜

 

Luke Guilfoyle, proud owner of lukelanguagetraining.com

ReplyQuote
Posted : 05/10/2020 2:44 pm
Christian
(@christian10)
Registered

MY FAMILY

Hi, my name is Christian, and I'd like to tell you about my family. I have a brother who is 21 years old. My parents are young and they met at the Pamplona fair during San Fermin.

My mother is blonde and very smart. She loves shopping. She also likes spending time with family. In her spare time she designs clothes and accesories.

My father is passionate about football and going to the beach. His favourite team is FC Barcelona and his idol is Messi.

My brother is very quiet and does not study. He also likes to play football. In his spare time he likes to play padel and party with friends.

ReplyQuote
Posted : 08/10/2020 10:30 am
Luke
 Luke
(@lukelanguagetraining-com)

Hi again Christian, well done - it sounds more natural now. Just one little thing still to revise - the spelling of accessories (double 's')

Cheers

Luke 😜 

Luke Guilfoyle, proud owner of lukelanguagetraining.com

ReplyQuote
Posted : 08/10/2020 11:21 am
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